haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
