i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
then he tried to convert me to islam
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
