So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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