I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
