Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
