Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
