I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
