escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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