Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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