dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
