Your face is a jimmy john
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
