i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
