it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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