I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize