Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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