Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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