so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
