Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
