Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dick very happy bro
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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