He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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