That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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