Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
