I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
