so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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