Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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