i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
