Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
