and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize