I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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