im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
