I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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