But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
