I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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