i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
