Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize