and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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