i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
