Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
