tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
