shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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