I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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