Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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