i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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