we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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