So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
