My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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