You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize