I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pooping to opera.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
