Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
