I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
