The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
