I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
