How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
