I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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