dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
