Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
