Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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