just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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