the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
