her vagine was all disorganized.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
