Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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