the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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