mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
