My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize