Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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