She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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